Job Search & Soul Search

0-cus-d2-786315551f4a99696f94d2563a785726I have been working in various part-time jobs since I was 14 years old. How come it feels like it’s harder to get hired now that I graduated from a Master’s degree? The whole career and job hunt business is getting mysterious.

I mentioned on my last blog post that I’m currently not working, therefore I get to spend a lot of time at home with my kitty catty Simon. But the anxiety of job searching is catching up to me. At first, I gave myself a time frame of at least 6 months after graduating to slowly…slowly… find full-time work that I like to do. So, the first thing I did after graduating this April was to travel in Asia with my boyfriend.

After coming back from the trip in August, I proceeded to relax at home. Do things that enrich life like : see friends again, pick up a new interest, make things (I am going to share the 30″ cat scratching post I made in my future post!), exercise as a couple, gain weight, make exciting food etc. But the anxiety is catching up to me. Winter is coming, and I cannot enjoy anything.

When I do’t send out another 2 resumes or cover letters every weekday, my anxiety accumulate because I felt that I could not fulfill an invisible quota, which I NEED in order to live my daily carefree and enjoy my time. I am working towards easing the dread of running after the status of a young professional.

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music to listen: Erik Satie: Gymnopedie 1,2,3 Gnossienne 1,2,3,4

What to do with my Cat?

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Recently, when I look at my cat standing or walking around in space, I can’t help but think about what else can I do with him. My mind can’t stop asking “What else can I do with my cat??”

Since I am still in the ‘new grad job hunting market’, I’m mostly at home lately and I can spent a whole lot more time with Simon. We are doing plenty of things together already, but I don’t feel it’s enough. To me, my cay still looks under-stimulated  half of the time, but why? …

1201ap1 Here is what me and my boyfriend do with our cat generally:

  • run together around house
  • play with  his “temple” (the tall cat scratcher) with a canvas rug that looks like a snake
  • put treat in fun places for him to get
  • invite him to sit together
  • invite him to be petted or rubbed
  • I join his nap
  • brush hair
  • squeeze his thigh when he passes
  • speak to him when our eyes meet
  • kiss his head (60+ times/ day) (my favourite)
  • blow air on his soft belly
  • give him fresher water, invite him to drink
  • train him to stop eating my plants
  • train him to be a hunter (hunt insects, flies that got inside)
  • baby him
  • coo him to sleep
  • wake him up, to join us in afternoon activities
  • look outside the window together onto the street (me only)
  • give food I’m eating for him to sniff
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roll roll roll our dust

♩♩♫  ♪

Today, I googled this issue and found the first result: 101 Thing to Do With Your Cat Me and Simon did/is doing at least 45 of these recommendations already.. Except the ones about “take your kitty to travel” or “throw X party and costumes” etc. and I disagree with some of them in principle anyway, but what to you think?

I want to keep him feeling meaningful about his cat life, not bored. Maybe he is NOT BORED! Okay, but I still hoping to do more with my cat. What else can I do with Simon at home? Can you tell me?

Found a Journal Intime

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Today in one of the storage room in my parent’s house basement—the most forgotten and shabby one that is behind our washer & dryer—I found a silver paper bag. It’s made with the kind of cheap dollar store gift wrapping paper that glitters. The bag was stuck in a part of the ply wall that was ripped open, just beside the electrical box.

I pulled this silver paper bag out of the gap between the ply walls. Inside the bag, was a obvious image of what I was suspecting: a thick diary book that is written on the cover ‘Journal Intime‘. Judging from the 90’s feminized character on the cover, it doesn’t seem that old. There is a lock mechanism on the side (another cliché!); I thought for a second that I will not have its tiny key to open the pages, but it opened with a click.

Inside: first page was blank with no name and contact info filled in. Last page ended in the year 1996, with

“J’ai commencé mes menstruation.”

“I started my menstruation.”

From its first entry in 1994 to its last, the diary filled around 1/5 of the whole book. I did not read every entry, and put it back where I found it when I finished.

I know she was the daughter of the last family who lived here. They lived in this house for more than 30 years. I also know how our family background and ethnic background must have differ from each other. But, a strange sameness waved at me.

Another point I gathered: there was a certain boy ( initial L.F. ) that she could not stop thinking about.  He was a the cousin of one of her friend, and she thought about him until she forgot the time at night.

Reading it earlier, I can’t help but feeling that I know this well, for example the scarce entries, the simplicity, the silliness, and the way the diary ended. I would have done the exact same to it, in my own teenage.